Friday, July 17, 2009

Letter to The Holy Land Theme Park

July 16th, 2009
The Holy Land Experience
4655 Vineland Rd,
Orlando, FL 32811

Dear Holy Land Experience Theme Park,

I have been perusing your site for the past 4.6 hours, and I must say I am excited to soon be adventuring to your biblical land.

I was, however, a little sadden to discover there were very few fun rides or activities (one can only spend so long meandering through the Dead Sea Qumram Caves).

May I be so forward as to suggest some fun happy ideas that I believe other Christians like myself would thoroughly enjoy? Naturally I asked myself 'What Would Jesus Do?' in this situation, and it became clear to me that Jesus would indeed send you these suggestions. Please see below.

Food For Thought:
* How about a treasure hunt? People must try to find baby Moses in the reeds (a real baby would be best). Winner gets to keep the baby Moses!
* An adventureland where people must make it past all the lepers in the Jerusalem markets without catching leprosy (again, if we could get real lepers, I think it would just add to the fun).
* People can get photos taken of themselves hammered to Jesus’s Cross.
* Perhaps an experience (much like Backdraft at Universal Studios) in which we are subjected to the Ten Plagues of Egypt—live locusts, frogs come at you and deaths of firstborns—you get my drift.
* Also, I think a great way of making some extra money might be to offer “foot washings”—you know, like shoeshines, but not.
* A ride for adults: Men (and women, if they so desire) can take a ‘ride‘ on Mary Magdelene (if you know what I mean, wink wink). Condoms would, of course, be included. Perhaps we should also note that it is best to be one of the first in line for this ride

Thank you for taking the time to mull over my ideas. I am sure you agree that together, you and I can make this “The Real Magic Kingdom.”

I await your response with baited and holy breath.

Yours sincerely,

Peggy Folder

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