Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My live Comcast chat with an operator

chat id : 249418ff-b7cf-4297-a291-33f6651681bf

Problem : I'm 5'6, weigh 125 pounds and love to sail

Peggy > I'm 5'6, weigh 125 pounds and love to sail
Cariza > Hello Peggy_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Cariza. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Cariza > Hello. How are you today?
Peggy_ > Hi Cariza, I'm great, how are you?
Cariza > It's nice to hear that you are doing great.
Cariza > I'm well, Thank you for asking.
Cariza > How may I assist you today?
Peggy_ > are many people not doing great?
Peggy_ > well, i am about to buy a boat, i love to sail
Peggy_ > but i also love my internet
Peggy_ > do you like to sail?
Peggy_ > can i get internet on my boat?
Cariza > Yes, I do .
Peggy_ > I love you name, where is it from?
Cariza > I just want to clarify, you want to have internet connection on your boat. Am I right?
Peggy_ > It's like Crazy, but not
Peggy_ > Yes, yes, i would love internet connection on my boat
Peggy_ > high speed
Peggy_ > i like to go fast
Cariza > Please give me a minute to check on that for you
Peggy_ > great thank you Cariza
Peggy_ > Can i call you Rizzy?
Peggy_ > I like that name, Rizzy
Cariza > Sure, Thank you for your compliment.
Peggy_ > I have a business, which i will do from my boat
Peggy_ > so i need high speed internet
Peggy_ > I love having the wind in my hair
Cariza > As I check on this one for you, we do have Comcast Broadband but please give me a minute to check if you will be able to have connection when you are on the boat
Peggy_ > Sometimes i just get my husband to blow on my head just so i have the same feeling as sailing on the sea
Peggy_ > of course, no problem Rizzy
Peggy_ > Do you know any good movies about sailing?
Peggy_ > I have seen Pirates on the Carribean 8 times
Cariza > Yes, I have watch the 3 movies of the Pirates of the Carribean.
Peggy_ > which is your favorite?
Cariza > Here you can click on this link to check out High speed 2go: http://customer.comcast.com/help/highspeed2go
Peggy_ > i like the 1st one the best
Cariza > I like the third one./
Peggy_ > and will the highspeed be available on my boat?
Peggy_ > i can sail close to the land if that helps
Peggy_ > and slowly, i can sail slowly
Cariza > Here's where you can check if it available on your area: http://www.comcast.com/corporate/Learn/HighSpeedInternet/high-speed-2go.html?fss=2go
Peggy_ > that might help too
Cariza > Yes, I have watch the 3 movies of the Pirates of the Carribean.
Peggy_ > ok great, i will check that link, thank you Rizzy
Cariza > You are most welcome. Peggy.
Cariza > Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Peggy_ > Yes, there is something else
Peggy_ > Do you bake?
Cariza > No, I'm sorry about but I don't bake.
Cariza > Tried to learn but never had.
Peggy_ > I have been trying (unsuccessfuly) to bake a cherry pie for some time, but i burn the crust
Cariza > How about you?
Peggy_ > every time i burn the crust
Peggy_ > oh i love to bake
Cariza > I know how you feel,.
Peggy_ > it's odd as my cupcakes come out great
Peggy_ > i ice them with little beagles
Peggy_ > beagles are my favorite dogs
Peggy_ > what is your favorite dog?
Cariza > I like shiatzu..
Peggy_ > oh they are great dogs! Little Shitzus!
Peggy_ > one day you should come sailing with me and my beagle. You can bring a Shitzu or a Shiatzu, whichever you prefer
Peggy_ > would you like that?
Cariza > That's would be great.
Cariza > Peggy, as much as I want to chat with you about personally things we are only here to give you Comcast support comcast service. May I know if there anything else I can assist you with your Comcast services?
Peggy_ > fantastic, i will wear a purple shirt so you know it's me
Peggy_ > um, no i think that is all for now
Peggy_ > one last thing
Peggy_ > where is your name from?
Cariza > My name is from the south east part, Thank you for your compliment.
Peggy_ > south east? What? Florida?
Cariza > I'm actually in the Philippines .
Peggy_ > Oh i love it there! Great monkies in the Phillippines
Peggy_ > monkies everywhere, am i right?
Cariza > No, Just on the provincial part.
Peggy_ > so there are no monkies with you right now as you work?
Peggy_ > i thought there would be monkies everywhere, helping you work, brushing your hair.
Cariza > Of course there's none.
Peggy_ > getting you coffee and donuts
Cariza > Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Peggy_ > Yes, I have an itch. A lady itch. Creams don't seem to help.
Cariza > I am not doctor Peggy. I am sorry to hear though.
Peggy_ > It's ok. I am sure time will heal it.
Cariza > Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Peggy_ >No...unless you want to see a movie sometime
Peggy_ > Pirates of the Carribean
Peggy_ > we could go to that
Peggy_ > I could pick you up from the Phillippines in my boat
Peggy_ > then sail to the cinema
Peggy_ > and you can use the high speed internet on my boat if we can get it working
Peggy_ > you can bring 1 monkey if you would like
Peggy_ > but no more than one because they can be a nuisance on the high seas
Cariza > I would love to but I have to work here and give support to other Comcast subscriber.
Peggy_ > Rizzy? are you still there?
Cariza > Yes, I am still here.
Peggy_ > ok Rizzy, thank you for you help today
Cariza > You are most welcome
Cariza > I am happy that I was able to help you in resolving this issue. If you do not have any other concerns, you may properly close this interaction by clicking on the End Session button. You may receive a 3-question survey after this chat. Kindly take some time to fill it up as we value your feedback about our services. Thank you for contacting Comcast. Have a great day!
Peggy_ > Yes, yes i will fill out the survey
Peggy_ > you too Rizzy!
Cariza > Thank you.
Peggy_ > BYE RIZZY!
Cariza > Goodbye.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Letter to Harvard University

Dear Ms Faust (Ms President),

It's been a good 12 years since I was at Harvard and it struck me the other day that my joining of the Harvard Alumni is very much overdue. I enjoyed my experiences at Harvard greatly, and have many fond memories of my time there.

How does one go about becoming a Harvard Alum, exactly? Remind me, is there a form a need to fill out?

Also, I would also very much like to receive the Harvard Magazine (after all, all good Alumni like to keep abreast of what's going on!)

If you also wish to include a Harvard Hooded Arc Sweatshirt (crimson), size L (XL if the cut is smaller than average) - I shan't complain and will wear it with pride!

You may need to look up my dates. I was at Harvard University during Thanksgiving Day weekend, 1997.

Looking forward to your speedy reply!


Yours sincerely,

Peggy Folder - '97 (Alum in waiting).

Friday, July 24, 2009

Email to Amish newspaper 'The Budget'

Dear B. Keller,

Recently, I hired a young Amish man (Jebadiah Stoltzfus - do you know him? very sweet with a wicked sense of humor!).

Anyway, he came to me in response to my ad in the newspaper, your newspaper, The Budget, in my search for a Personal Assistant (my last one Rose, ran off with the chap who worked part time at the local video store -[Mon through Wed]). Upon looking at Jebadiah's impressive resume and interviewing him for quite some time I found him to be a very well spoken, intelligent young man. Hence, I offered him the position as my Personal Assistant.

Well, after 5 weeks working under me i think a more apt position for Jebadiah is Personal Ass-istant. He can't do anything. I have asked him numerous times to photocopy documents for me. He stares at me blankly, then 3 hours later will turn over to me hand-written copies of the documents i asked him to copy for me. Really, Jebadiah?

Then there is the problem of answering my phones. In that he doesn't. He let's it ring off the hook. He says he can't answer the phone and i say: 'You have two hands Jebadiah...use them, that's why God gave them to you!'. Again, blank stares.

He also refuses to ride the elevators with me up to my office. Likes to take the stairs he says. That's fine Jebadiah, we all like stairs. But not when my office is on the 22nd floor and it takes 18 minutes for you to make up up there. I don't have time for that! I have a business to run!

I have had words to Jebadiah about his laissez-faire attitude around the office, but it seems to make no difference whatsoever. I do not want to fire young Jebadiah, (it's not in my nature to fire people) but i don't know what else to do.

Are all young Amish people like that these days??? I always thought of them as hardworking peoples. Either I got a bad egg or they are not the people i thought they were.

I am thinking of suing The Budget for putting young Jeb in contact with me. I really don't know what else to do B. Keller, I am truly at my wits' end.

I look forward to your speedy reply.

Yours sincerely,

Peggy Folder

Folder's Folded Folders inc.

Email to 'Goodburger - home of the goodburger'

Dear Goodburger - home of the good burger,

I am from the Department of Redundancy Department. Our mission is to stamp out redundancies. We are presently engaged in a series of redundancy reducing efforts across many fields. These include the movie Kramer vs. Kramer, band Duran Duran, and Marc by Marc Jacobs.

It was recently brought to my attention that you have been trading under the name 'Goodburger- home of the goodburger'. Unfortunately, this name violates division (A) of section 959.13 of the Revised Code of Redundancies.

I must ask you to change your name or I will be forced to take legal action and you will of course be subjected to a large fine of $777,777.77 (per store).

If you have no other names up your sleeve I can offer you some suggestions. How about 'MacDonalds' (might be too close to McDonalds?!?), Burger Queen, Out-and-In burger? If these are not to your liking I am happy to sit down and brainstorm with you until we can come up with a name you are happy with. It is still important to me that you are happy with your new restaurant name.

Please advise me of your intentions.

If we do not hear back from you promptly we will have our lawyers contact you.

Kind regards,

Peggy Peggy Folder

Senior Partner

Department of Redundancy Department

Email to singer/songwriter Aimee Mann

Dear Aimee Mann,

During these times tough times I have made a point to help others. I tip taxi drivers more and also give homeless people dimes now instead of pennies. And so I thought, why should I not do the same for songstresses like yourself. This is why am I enquiring as to how much to pay you in royalties.

I am a huge fan. I love your song 'You could make a killing' and often sing it whilst taking a bath (once a day, some times twice depending on my mood and/or dirt level). I believe the going statutory rate is $.08 for songs five minutes or less( 'You could make a killing' is only 3.35 minutes). Should we start payments from today (7/22/2009) or from the first time I ever sang your song in the bath (2/13/1996)?

Last Tuesday I also sung your version of the song 'Two of Us' (duet with your husband Michael Penn). Should I split the fee between the two of you ($.04 piece)? And do I simply send one check (combined $.08 in total) or would you both like your own ($.04 each)? Also, I am quite confused as to who else I need to pay as I believe John Lennon and Paul McCartney originally penned these lyrics, but Michael Jackson owns the rights to all Beatles songs and he is now deceased. So who do I pay? Do i make the check out to his 3 children, or Katherine Jackson (I hear she is taking care of his kids)? All very confusing. Please advise.

If I must be honest, I also sang your song 'Little Bombs' around 7 weeks ago whilst peeling carrots. However, I only made it halfway through the song as my neighbor popped over to borrow sugar and I forgot to finish the rest of the song. Will you require $.04 for that song too? No problem if you do, I completely understand.

On another note, I really do adore you music. I was at your concert last week at City Winery. You asked for requests and I requested that you play my favorite song 'You could make a killing'. You didn't play it. Is that because you did not want to pay yourself the $.08? Just wondering. I would have paid on your behalf quite happily. Perhaps next time.

Thank you for helping me work out the best way to pay you, Aimee. Please let me know ASAP on how you would like to do this- I don't want the guilt of singing your songs and not paying hanging over my head.

Your biggest fan,

Peggy Folder


Just thought of a great way to get people to pay you! You could have a payment section on your site called 'Paimee Mann' ( Pay me man). Geddit?. Would do you think? If you do this 'You could make a killing'. Let me know, I can help you!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Letter to Shorty's Restaurant, Holcomb, Missouri

Dear Shorty's Restaurant,

I was looking for an appropriate venue in which to celebrate my club's 5 year anniversary and then it hit me - what better place to have it than Shorty's in Holcomb, Missouri.
We will need a table for 17 people in which to host the Mighty Missouri Midgets Club 5th Anniversary Dinner. Would it be possible to fit us in your fine establishment? We don't take up much room.

Before I make my booking I want to make sure we can make this happen, so one quick question. Although we are small, we do like to pretend that we are normal sized (especially on occasions such as 5th Anniversary dinners. Do you think it will be possible to lower your tables for the night? Preferably to around say two and a half feet off the ground. Obviously, that means the chairs will have to be shortened as well. We are of course willing to pay for all costs incurred in the shortening of said tables and chairs. I am also willing to pay a bonus of $500 on top of all other costs. I love seahorses!

Alternatively, of course we could just bring our own booster seats but I feel that takes away from the party atmosphere. (Plus, children tend to stare)

Also, is there a set price for a party of 17?

We are hoping to have our dinner the week of September 6th ( anytime night that week will suit).

Please let me know about the tables and chairs as soon as you can as we must find a place for our party quickly.

Thank you so much Shorty's Holcomb.

I look forward to your speedy reply.


Peggy Folder

Reply from Shorty's Restaurant Holcomb, Missouri

On Thu, Jul 23, 2009 at 5:25 PM, Shorty's Manchester wrote:

Dear Peggy,

Thank you so much for your interest in having your clubs anniversary dinner at Shorty's. We would be more than happy to accommodate you but unfortunately we would not be able to lower the tables and chairs. The sections that we have to seat larger parties is half booth and half table so even if we were able to lower the tables and chairs we are unable to lowers the booths.

To answer your second question, there is no set price for a party of 17. You would be able to order from the regular menu. Items rage from $4.99 for a house salad to $18.99 for a steak dinner with menu prices ranges in between.

Please let me know if this works for you and if it does we can talk further about an exact date and time. Please feel free to contact me with any other questions or concerns, I can be reached at this e-mail address or at 603-625-1730.

Thank you again

My Best

Erica Davis

General Manager


Dear Erica,
Thank you so much for your anything but tardy reply.

I am very excited about having our Mighty Manchester Midgets Club 5th Anniversary Dinner at Shorty's and so are the other club members. It is a shame that you are unable to lower your tables and chairs for the night, but understandable. We will all be sure to bring our booster seats on our party night. Is it possible for you to give me the measurements from the chair seat ( where bottom is placed) to the table (very top of table)? This will ensure that we all bring the correct height booster seats.

Also, what are you tables made of? One of our members is allergic to wood (not all woods- just teak, redwood, balsa and pine). If you could please advise me of the tables materials before I book that would be fabulous.

One last question. On your menu is says: 'Kids 5 & Under Eat Free!!!'. Is this referring to being 5ft and under? All members of our club are under 5ft. In fact, we are all 4'10 and under, well under the 5ft height you state. Does this mean all 17 of us will be able to eat free?

Thank you very much Erica for being so accommodating.

We are incredibly pleased to finally be able to celebrate with you and everyone at Shorty's.
I look forward to your reply.


Peggy Folder


From: Shorty's Manchester
Date: Fri, Jul 24, 2009 at 2:43 PM
Subject: Re: Reservations!!!
To: Peggy Folder

Hello Peggy,
To answer your question about height, from chair to table top is 12.25 inches and from booth seat to table top is 11 inches.
As for the type of wood the tables and chairs are made of, we know there is no teak, redwood or balsa, and we do not believe there is any pine. They are dark wood tables and we believe that is oak and and maple or cherry but they do have a light wood trim and I can not guarantee absolutely that there is no pine.
As for your last question, I am not sure where you read that kids under 5 eat free, as we do not have a promotion of that kind. We do have a kids night when kids meal prices are reduced but it is for kids 12 and under. So unfortunately that would not apply!
Hope this information helps you out and I looking forward to hearing back from you!
Erica Davis
General Manager

Email to Chelsea Inn

Dear Chelsea Inn,

I am planing a trip to New York City for the Annual 60 & Over Nudists Convention (to be held at Pepe's Taco Tavern) in August, 2009. I have heard many great things about the Chelsea Inn and would very much like to stay with you while my husband and I are in NYC.

There are a couple things I did want to check with you before I made my reservations.

1) My husband and I do like to spend as much time nude as possible. Will you have a problem with us sitting on your couches ( in room of course) with our private parts directly touching the couch material? I will of course shave before coming, so you won't have to worry about hairs being left here and there. ( My husband is another story though - LOL)

2) I like to have my own headboard with me when I travel. My husband and I will happily bring it up to the room and nail it to the wall at no inconvenience to your staff or guests. My favorite headboard is solid teak and measures 40"W x 50"L. Will it fit in your lift? If you could send me the exact measurements of your lift I would be very appreciative. If that headboard does not fit, I have many others in my garage to choose from.

The exact dates my husband and i would like to stay are august 19th to August 21st.

Thank you in advance. Please advise soon as my Nudist Convention is soon approaching!

"For the best in New York City hotels, visit Chelsea Inn."

Yours sincerely,

Peggy Folder

Reply from Chelsea Inn

Mrs Folder,

If this is a serious inquiry, we would not allow the install of a headboard; therefore I will not include the measurements of the elevator. Otherwise, what guests do in their rooms, if not dangerous or illegal, we would not be invasive to your privacy.

Please be aware that once a reservation is made, our hotel policy is that cancellations must be received 48 hours prior to arrival or a charge of one night’s stay will be incurred.

Please visit our web site at: www.chelseainn.com

Best Regards,

Bob Sassani
General Manager

Monday, July 20, 2009

Email to Noah's Ark Water Park

Dear Noah,

I have been wondering where to spend my summer holidays and then it hit me - Wisconsin Dells! So I looked it up and there it was, a link to your site. What a great site, Noah! I am definitely visiting your water park when i visit Wisconsin Dells. How could I not!? Being a good Christian I have no excuse NOT to visit you and your ark, Noah.

I do have some important questions though that I am hoping you can answer for me.

Do we have to go down your slides in pairs?
I will be traveling alone, so naturally I will not have a friend with me. Will I still be able to use your slides alone? And if we must go down in pairs should my other half be male, rather than female?

Also, I can only engage in water activities in which no one else has used the same water. Can you please confirm that when I use you water slides, the water will be fresh and not have been used by others. This is a medical condition. I can bring a note from my doctor if need be.

Please let me know as soon as you can so I can book my tickets to your water park. I can't wait!!!

Thank you in advance,

Peggy Folder.

Ever though of using the slogan " Noah's Ark Water park - it's double the fun!"???

Friday, July 17, 2009

Letter to The Holy Land Theme Park

July 16th, 2009
The Holy Land Experience
4655 Vineland Rd,
Orlando, FL 32811

Dear Holy Land Experience Theme Park,

I have been perusing your site for the past 4.6 hours, and I must say I am excited to soon be adventuring to your biblical land.

I was, however, a little sadden to discover there were very few fun rides or activities (one can only spend so long meandering through the Dead Sea Qumram Caves).

May I be so forward as to suggest some fun happy ideas that I believe other Christians like myself would thoroughly enjoy? Naturally I asked myself 'What Would Jesus Do?' in this situation, and it became clear to me that Jesus would indeed send you these suggestions. Please see below.

Food For Thought:
* How about a treasure hunt? People must try to find baby Moses in the reeds (a real baby would be best). Winner gets to keep the baby Moses!
* An adventureland where people must make it past all the lepers in the Jerusalem markets without catching leprosy (again, if we could get real lepers, I think it would just add to the fun).
* People can get photos taken of themselves hammered to Jesus’s Cross.
* Perhaps an experience (much like Backdraft at Universal Studios) in which we are subjected to the Ten Plagues of Egypt—live locusts, frogs come at you and deaths of firstborns—you get my drift.
* Also, I think a great way of making some extra money might be to offer “foot washings”—you know, like shoeshines, but not.
* A ride for adults: Men (and women, if they so desire) can take a ‘ride‘ on Mary Magdelene (if you know what I mean, wink wink). Condoms would, of course, be included. Perhaps we should also note that it is best to be one of the first in line for this ride

Thank you for taking the time to mull over my ideas. I am sure you agree that together, you and I can make this “The Real Magic Kingdom.”

I await your response with baited and holy breath.

Yours sincerely,

Peggy Folder